How I got my baby dinosaur

Dharma told me how she got her Diplodicus (which was actually marketed as an Apatosaurus, so who knows):

Tattoos

I'm Dharmas mom, and I'm not feeling well today. So I'm laying on the couch, not really asleep, but in that place where I'm half asleep and half awake.  I'll hear if a kid starts knocking the house down, but I can easily tune out the music from the games being played on her tablet.

Dharma comes over to me and says something about tattoos.  I open my eyes, look down, and see her feet.  Oh.  Em.  Gee.

So the tattoo on her right foot is a tyrannosaurus rex. 

The tattoo on her left foot tells a story of a tyrannosaurus rex and a stegosaurus fighting.  And if she used the marker I think she used, they'll be there for quite a while.  We're a tattoo friendly home, so I'm going to close my eyes and go back to my place.

A pair, A pear, Appear

Dharma asks,  "What does a pair mean?"  Only we didn't understand her. 

So I ask, "Appear?"

"No. A pair."

Rob, Mackenzie and I start calling out words that we think it could be.  None of them are what she is trying say.  Finally Dharma says, "A pair! Like a pair of shoes!"

I say to her, "That's what we've been saying!"

Dharma replies, "Oh. I thought you said 'pear'."

Ranch Dressing

We decided to visit the salad bar restaurant for dinner tonight.  We had just sat down and I looked over, Dharma had her customary 2 small paper cups of ranch dressing.  She likes to dip her veggies in it.  I said, "Oh good, you have your ranch dressing."

To which she replied the following:

We all sat there stunned, looking at eachother.  Then I said, "Wait, do that again" and pulled out my phone.

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Erecting a Tyrannosaurus Rex

When my older daughter was young we had themed Christmases; Safari Christmas, Disco Christmas, Wizard of Oz Christmas...

I thought of picking it up with Dharma and having Cretaceous Christmas, but it was exhausting and costly starting over with decorations every year.  So we are settling for a T-Rex Christmas topiary.  He stands about 52" high and is 78" long.

I started with chicken wire and made the individual body parts:

Abdomen and thighs

Then I started assembly:

Once he was all put together securely, I started to attach branches of an old Christmas tree, and wrapped it in garland to fill in spots:

It took 2 days, and I ended up with so many cuts and scratches from the chicken wire that I looked like I fought a large cat, but this was the finished product:

Dharma with the T-Rex

With the help of some floral wire and poles to stabilize him, the T-Rex was put out front:

Some candy canes were added:

And then we waited for night fall:

I didn't quite like how the candy canes were in front, but as I was moving them, I broke one:

I have some tweaking of the lights to do, but all in all I think  he is cute.

 
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Aunt Kendall: Dharma needs your help

This afternoon Dharma asked me if she could record a message and send it to my sister.  When I asked why she said that my sister is the only one who can help her with a problem she has.

See, my sister is actually a half-sister; we have different fathers.  Kendall's father is American Indian.  Now, even though to the best of my knowledge Kendall is not a master archer, Dharma believes that, because she has Indian blood, she MUST be able to hunt with a bow and arrow.  And apparently, she's pretty good at it.




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Taking on Tyson. Not Mike, the other Tyson.

Dharma, who is no stranger to controversy or debate, wants me to contact the Tyson chicken company regarding their dinosaur chicken nuggets.  She feels that people are being misled by their small poultry snack. 

This started today when I asked her how many T-Rexes and how many Stegosauruses she wanted for lunch.  She looked at them and said there are no Stegosauruses.  I pointed to the package, I held up a frozen, prehistoric shaped nugget and I looked at her.

"Oh that?"  She asked.  "That's not a Stegosaurus."

"Really?"  I questioned.  "Then what kind of dinosaur is it?"

"It's not a dinosaur.  It's a Dimetrodon."

I paused to look at her.  I just stared at her for a few seconds.  "No, Dharma.  See?  The package has a T-Rex and a Stegosaurus.  They're right here."  I pointed at the package.  "And what the heck is a Dimetrodon?"

Apparently, a Dimetrodon is a prehistoric reptile that, while it resembles a dinosaur, is not, in fact, a dinosaur.  So I told her that we'd just play along and asked her again how many of each she wanted.  Nope.  She wanted me to call them and tell them they're wrong.  The product is listed as a "Fun Nugget" and makes no mention of dinosaur, so they have not really done anything wrong here.  There is no false advertising.  But tell that to Dharma.

So if you're asking why she would think that the small dinosaur is a Dimetrodon and not a Stegosaurus, her answer is easy:  Stegosauruses have spikes on their tails.  Dimetrodons, do not.  Stegosaurses have armor plates on their back.  Dimetrodons have a sail-like thing.  If you really look at it, she may just be right.

Dimetrodon:

Stegosaurus:

Yellow

Dharma has been singing this song for days now.

That's just batty

I needed to make a quick stop on the way home at the grocery store.  Dharma and I were going to run in and out and be home.  No drama.

We got to the car and I say, "Where's Batty?"  (her stuffed bat that I told her NOT to take into the store but she insisted on taking in anyway).

"I must have left him in the store."  She says.

And so it starts.  We walk up and down every aisle, even the ones we had not been in.  No bat. 

We go up to the service desk and I ask if anyone has turned him in.  Of course they haven't. 

The nice older lady asks if we want to leave our name.  Of course we do.

She looks at Dharma and asks if Dharma can describe the TOY.  Toy.  She called it a toy.  Dharma says, "He's black and his name is batty and he's a REAL BAT. He's not a toy."  Then, just for effect, she looks up to the ceiling and says, "I thought I heard him flying by."

The woman looks to me and I smile.  I assume the woman knows by my smile that she should not pay attention to anything Dharma just said.  Not the case.  Instead she loudly says, "It's a REAL bat?!  You brought a REAL BAT into the store?  AND LOST IT!?"  She now looks at the ceiling.  I thought she was playing along.  I mean, who brings a real bat to the grocery store?  I figured we were on the same page. 

Until she called the manager over.

Purple tiger stripes

Dharma was quiet in her room for too long.  I know that is bad. I know it.  But I was busy.  I was getting things ready for Halloween tomorrow and so I let it go.  I let her play, quietly, in her room for too long.  When I called her to come brush her teeth and get ready for bed, she was purple.  PURPLE.  Not completely purple like a big, obnoxious dinosaur, but a little purple around the mouth and in between her eyebrows.

First things first.  I have learned that when something like this happens with Dharma, the first thing I should do is get my phone and start videoing. Before I ask questions, before I try to find out the whats or hows.

So this is what happened. This is how Dharma turned purple.  The last thing she says is hard to hear because she turns away, but what she says when she turns her back is, "I'm just done with this."

T-Rex, carrion, and Medicare Part D (for dinosaur)

This afternoon Dharma asked me to get out the camera because she had something to say.  She never asks to be recorded so I figured it was pretty important.

First she wanted to talk about T-Rex and carrion.  She also had a T-Rex joke I am pretty sure she made up on the spot.

Next she said her mom T-Rex was sick, but it was okay, because she has a Medicare insurance plan.

World Guy

My mom, Dharma and I are in Eastern Ohio for a funeral.  While driving down the street today we saw a man walking a dog. Nothing strange about that. But he was also rolling a giant globe.  I snapped a picture and posted it to Facebook. Not long later my mother-in-law commented that he had been in Florida at one time, too.  I googled him and what I learned was so awesome to me that I decided I HAD to meet him.  I was fortunate enough to get to.

This man, Erik Bendl, and his dog, who is named Nice, walk great lengths bringing awareness to diabetes.  See, in 1987 his mother, Gerta, passed away at just 54 years old from the illness.  Erik draws plenty of attention with a giant globe, and uses that attention to educate the public.

I found him to be a very friendly and polite gentleman.  Possibly even shy.  I think he deserves much kudos for what he is doing and I hope that if he is ever in the Chicago area, that I get to meet him again. 

I encourage everyone to follow Mr Bendl's own blog at www.WorldGuy.org and if you see him, stop and say hello, shake his hand, give him thanks.

Life Cycle by Dharma

I had only been up for a few minutes when Dharma started talking (and talking and talking and talking) about something involving plants, herbivores, (and herbivore poop spreading plant seeds) carnivores and an Allosaurus. 

I was trying to pay attention and make sense of what she was saying, but it was just SOOO early.  I asked her if I could record her and play it later.  LoL.  It took her a few minutes, but she got it all out and what I was left with was a story about how each of these things depend on the other.  In this version she left out the part of how the herbivores spread seeds by eating plants and then pooping.  LoL.

Giant bugs, giant pigs, and lies on the Metra

It was a larger than usual weekend, filled with larger than usual things.  Saturday we went to Morton Arboretum and saw the giant bug sculptures.  They were kind of cool...for bugs.

Sunday I took the girls downtown on the train. Dharma had never been on the Metra, and after her last experience with public transportation, I admit I was a little concerned.  She did good, though.  On the way in she was watched out the window a lot and did not bother anyone around us.  We got onto the bus to head down to Millenium Park once we arrived downtown.  Other than saying (out loud) that the woman across the aisle from us was sitting in a childs seat she behaved pretty well.

She enjoyed the big silver bean, but she enjoyed Crown Fountain even more.  I let her run around and play in the water for quite a while down there because she was having so much fun.  When we were looking at the Tanuki exhibit (these giant pig/alien/bear like creatures with noticeable breasts) Dharma had no shame in pointing out the "features" of each.  She also saw a father and his two teenaged daughters sitting off tot he side by themselves having what appeared to be an in depth conversation.  Dharma joined in.  She just walked over and sat down with them and concentrated on the conversation, before joining in.  Of course they thought this was hilarious.

Then it came time to get back to the station and take the train home.  Which we missed and had to wait 2 hours for the next one.  The girls and I got dinner there and hung out for a while.  When we got on the train, Dharma wanted to sit on the upper level this time.  A young girl (17, 18, 19 maybe) sat down next to her.  The seats are like movie theater seats in that they flop up if you are not sitting in it.  Dharma tried to lay down and the seat her head was on kept closing, so the girl asked her if Dharma wanted her to hold it down.  This turned it into a game.  And a new friend!

Dharma spent the trip talking with this girl.  At one point I heard Dharma talking about a rabbit and I asked "Did she tell you we have a rabbit?"   The girl said "Yes.  And a lizard."  We do not have a rabbit NOR do we have a lizard.  The girls family and friends were sitting across the aisle, and by the time we reached their stop they were all listening to Dharma's stories and laughing.  There was a couple woman on the lower level who I noticed were also looking up and listening to Dharma and laughing when she said something funny. 

A rabbit.  And a lizard.  Really?

Meeting the new teacher

We went to Dharma's school tonight to drop off supplies and meet her teacher.  Dharma, who is usually so charismatic and friendly toward strangers was an absolute bear!  She had a mild tantrum when it came time to take a picture of her with her teacher, was upset that she needed to walk around the classroom and put her things away, and was none too happy when it was time to go and she had to stop looking at the fish in the pond (Yes, her classroom has a large tiled pond). 

I was mildly embarrassed at first, but then I thought, "Her teacher may as well get to know the moody side of Dharma now, instead of thinking she is always the fun-loving, witty child most people think she is."

Even with her being irritable, she managed to find her hook for her backpack, her cubby hole and make a name tag and set it on the table next to a girl she has already met a few times because her older sister was in Mackenzie's Girl Scout Troop.  (I apologize to her mom in advance, they have a family of 5 wonderfully behaved, lovely girls and I hate to think my child may taint that.)

I feel better after meeting her teacher.  I admit I was a little worried because this is her first year here and the previous K teacher (who is now teaching 1st grade I think) was absolutely incredible!  I loved seeing the loving, yet firm, control she had over her class each year.  This new teacher seems very friendly and I am looking forward to this year now, which officially starts on Wednesday.

Sheila, Dharma's new friend

People gravitate to this child.  I don't know why or how.  They always have.  Since she was a baby.  She was not exceptionally cute as a baby or anything.  She was not advanced and doing parlor tricks at an early age.  She was just a baby like any other baby.  She smelled funny, she ate gross food, she slobbered, she was just a baby.  But people liked her.

As she got older, people liked her more.  She is overwhelming to some people because she doesn't shut down.  Ever.  She talks like everyday is her last day to talk and if she does not say everything today, she'll never have another chance to say it - which can be good or bad, depending on the day.  Dharma makes friends everywhere she goes.  People will stop and talk to her and ask her what she thinks about things.  Strangers will stop and ask her opinion on everything from clothes they are thinking of buying to gifts they are looking to buy for others.

Tonight was no exception.  We were at the store smelling candles and a lady next to us picked one up which Dharma asked to smell.  Dharma did not approve and suggested a different one, which the woman then bought.

We got the to car and I was putting the groceries in the back.  I always put Dharma in the car so she does not wander off, but tonight I did not for some reason.  She walked around the cart, toward the aisle.  Not out into the aisle, but enough that I yelled at her and the car that was coming stopped because the woman thought Dharma was going to walk out in front of her car.  It just happened that the woman parked right next to us.  When she got out of her car, I made Dharma walk around to her and apologize for making her think that Dharma was going to run out in front of her.

Dharma started crying that she was getting in trouble and telling the lady how sorry she was and that she would never do it again.  The woman, who we later learned is named Sheila, talked to Dharma for about 10 minutes there.  They talked about listening to her mom, cleaning her room, Dharma just turning 5....everything.  Dharma was still kind of upset, and Sheila asked if she gave Dharma something, would Dharma stop crying.  When Sheila reached into her purse, I thought she was going to give Dharma a sucker or a piece of gum.  Sheila is a letter carrier, and was wearing her USPS uniform (making her a good stranger, by the way) so I thought maybe she even had a cool stamp in her purse or something.

Sheila gave Dharma $4!  I told her she really did not need to do that, and it was fine, but she insisted.  Her son is 24 and just got married so Sheila said it made her feel good to make a baby happy since her baby is not her baby anymore.  She made Dharma's whole week!

A Good Stranger

Mackenzie asked to stop at the dollar store on the way home from dinner.  We stopped and Dharma saw this cute little solar powered flower display.  She was talking about them, and playing with them.  She asked if she could buy one, and I told her maybe next time.  A woman in the store came over and was talking to Dharma about the flowers and Dharma showed the lady which was her favorite.

We finished up there and left.  We had gotten to the car, buckled ourselves (and Dharma) in and I was just about to put the car into drive when we heard someone yelling "Wait! Stop!" and running at us with a bag.  It was the woman from inside the dollar store.  She had bought Dharma the flower that she had said was her favorite.  The woman said her grandkids live so far away and she never gets to see them, and it would make her happy if we'd let her give the flower to Dharma.

Dharma was so happy and said that lady was a good stranger.  Mackenzie on the other hand just said "Oh you have GOT to be kidding me!"

Milk Sockets

Dharma was telling us how she was a baby puppy and how our dog, Mazy, was her mom.  She told us how she eats.   I grabbed the phone and asked her to repeat it.

I guess the more disturbing part, is that she actually  got down on the floor and tried to suck on one of our dogs teats.

Prehistoric Party

It all started with a visitor last year.  A visitor who could only watch so much Bob the Builder.  He took a chance and put on a Discovery documentary on dinosaurs.  That was it.  She was hooked.  Dharma took to them like a fish to water.  She has spent nearly the last year soaking up knowledge on the prehistoric beasts.

It only seemed natural that she would want a dinosaur party.  Mackenzie always had themed birthday parties, so why wouldn't Dharma?  Besides, how hard could a little dinosaur party be?  A cake, some food, games...this would be SIMPLE!

And thus it began...The Dinosaur Birthday Party.

I know exactly when it got out of control. When I was searching for ideas online and came across a woman who made the most adorable dinosaur tails.  They were super easy; she said even a beginner could make them in under 20 minutes.  THIS was right up my alley.  After all I am a beginner.  And I have 20 minutes.  AND...best yet...I have a mother who can sew!!  Dharma and I went to the store to get the fabric (see blog titled Just when I thought a trip to the fabric store was safe...) and came home.  Then, we let the fabric sit for a few weeks.  We had plenty of time - the party was still far away.  Then it happened.  My mom broke her arm.  SHE CAN'T SEW WITH A BROKEN ARM!!  Not to worry.  Mackenzie and I can go over to her house and my mom can instruct us on how to make the tails.  2 hours at the most, right?  It took Mackenzie and I 3 days to cut the fabric out.  We worked on it every night.  Every.  Night.  For THREE days, we cut little pieces of felt.  Then we went to my moms and spent 4 hours sewing.  And sewing.  And sewing.  Then we took apart part of what we sewed and sewed it correctly.  We ended up with cute, albeit amateur, dinosaur tails.

No dinosaur tail is complete without a dinosaur mask.  I made a whole pile of dinosaur masks.  Two whole nights.  Cutting foam, gluing foam, decorating with black sharpie.  It came time to add the elastic and it ripped a big chunk out of the mask.  Apparently, the foam I used was not strong enough.  I started over.  new foam, new masks.  Mackenzie helped.  This time I would add glitter.  I had glitter markers and they were perfect.  2 weeks later the glitter markers were STILL not dry on the foam masks.  I stopped caring, added the elastic, and put them up.  Whats a little glitter marker between friends?

My niece, Daphne.

My next great idea came in the form of a dinosaur terrarium.  I mean 5 year olds, dirt, glass vases...what could go wrong?  I spent the next few months browsing a local thrift store for these small globe-like vases that I thought were the perfect size.  Just as I found the last one I was going to need, we happened into the dollar store and guess what I saw?  Shelf upon shelf of the SAME vases.  How nice it would have been to just buy them all at one time, in one place and get it over with instead of being known as the crazy lady who spends an hour at the thrift store moving vases around.  The idea was that the kids would add some dirt, a plant, some rocks, and some small plastic dinosaurs.

Dharma making her terrarium.

At some point, I thought small cupcakes dressed as dinosaurs would be PERFECT!

I got over that fast enough when I saw the greatest dinosaur cake.  A whole cake with a volcano, trees, a fondant river.  Again, easy-peasy.  In all honesty, the cake WAS the easiest thing of the whole party.  Partly because I did not bake it myself.  I started with a blank Costco cake.  I asked them to make green leaves around the edges.  Then I enlisted my husband to make a volcano out of rice krispie treats, which I covered in marshmallow fondant.  I had a hard time making the fondant brown, so I settled with beige.  I used green Wilton cake spray (which I already had on hand from last year when I spray painted a shamrock on the dog) and sprayed the cake unevenly to make the forrest floor.  We added milk duds for boulders around the river, topped it with the volcano, dripped some strawberry glaze for lava, and stuck in some dinos and trees.  Voila!

No party is complete without a pinata.  So where to find a dinosaur pinata?  Months earlier we were wandering through American Science and Surplus getting things for Mackenzie's school project and I saw a dinosaur pinata kit.  I went back, got one, and we started.  I had never done paper mache up to this point.  I figured - How hard could it be?  That very thought seems to be a recurring theme in my life and is usually followed by something that requires multiple days, and a bit of profanity to complete.  This was no different.  For those of you who have never made paper mache anything (is there anyone besides me who has never done this?) it takes DAYS for it to dry.  Days.  And it is very messy.  Everything in a 2 square mile radius will be covered in glue and sticky newspaper.  You will have newsprint on your hands for a week.  Back to the pinata kit.  It comes with two balloons, in case one pops.  If both pop, as was our case, then you have to use your own balloon.  Also, it comes with instructions on how to construct the feet, head, horns, etc.  Most people would read them and THEN start.  Not Clark Griswold and not me!!  I was halfway into the whole project when I realized I missed some steps and had to pretend.  For three nights my husband, Mackenzie and I stayed up late adding layer after layer of sticky newspaper.  Finally, I realized (once I re-read the instructions) that I was supposed to put the green tissue paper on while the newspaper was wet.  Oops.  So I had to add another layer of glue to turn this monster green.

Dharma

The last great idea I brought to this shindig was a watermelon cut into the shape of a T-Rex.  Carving a watermelon is a lot like carving a pumpkin.  I am AWFUL at carving pumpkins.  About 10 minutes into my cutting, Dharma came in and asked, "Mom?  Um.  Why does the watermelon look like a venus flytrap?"  A few minutes later I threatened to call the whole party off if she said it one more time.  Somewhere between the first cut, hollowing out the melon, and cutting the eyes, I flipped it over so the bottom part of the mouth was on the top and the top part was on the bottom.  I did not notice that the dinosaur head watermelon had an overbite to rival Bart Simpson until it was all done and it was too late to do anything about it.  By then, I didn't even care.

The day of the party turned out to be very nice.  The sun was shining, we were surrounded by family and friends, and it did not rain.  That was worth all the dinosaur watermelons in the world.

June 17, 2008

5 years ago today I was not feeling quite right.  I had gotten used to the feeling, so I told Rob to stay home while I ran into the hospital and they did their magic to make my blood pressure go back down.  This was nothing I had not been through before; a good part of my pregnancy was spent at the hospital for one reason or another.

An hour and a half later I called Rob and told him he had 45 minutes to get to the hospital.  They couldn't get my blood pressure back down and they were doing the C-Section right then, about a month early.

My entire pregnancy with Dharma went this way.  There was nothing typical, nothing simple, nothing average.  From the beginning to the end she was just one surprise after another.

A few hours after the C-Section Mackenzie got to come in, meet, and name, her little sister.  Our lives haven't been the same since the roller coaster ride we call Dharma arrived that day.

Happy 5th Birthday, Dharma. 

She was a clown, making faces, even then:

Dinosaur party preparations...Take One!

Newspaper, a balloon and a whole lot of glue.

I've been trying to get things done for the upcoming dinosaur birthday party a little bit at a time.  Napkins, cups, etc are bought.  Items for the dinosaur terrariums are bought.  Some food items and pinata fillers are bought.  Today we put the finishing touches on the pinata. 

So we started with this:

Then we got to this:

Today Dharma painted the horns and added stickers and we have ended with this:

(I still have to make a mouth)

 

 I don't think it's too TOO bad for some people who have never made paper mache before.  We went through 2.5 bottles of glue and 3 balloons though.  I definitely do not think I am going into the pinata making business anytime soon though.  I now see why these things are $15-30 a pop in the store...what a PITA to make. 

After all was said and done, Dharma looked at us and said she thinks it looks more like a Styracosaurus and not so much like a Triceratops.  She said the frill I made is too pointy to be a Triceratops.  Whatever.  I was just happy the thing didn't collapse when I popped the balloon.  She can call it a Dharmasaurus for all I care.  It resembles a dinosaur and hopefully will hold candy.

What do you think?

Styracosaurus:

Triceratops: