2011 Dharmaisms

It's almost the end of 2011 so I thought I would share a few Dharmaisms from the past year:

Dharma: Mommy, I need to talk to you.
Me: What about?
Dharma: Apples don't fly
Me: Really?
Dharma: Unless you throw them at someone.

-----

To Guinness (our fosterdog) after he took her apple: “You is being very mean to people and me is people.”

-----

“I sure do like these little dogs, mommy” – while standing in between two adult Dobermans.

 Dharma with Hailey and Yaeger

-----

When Dharma said "When me grow up, me going to be a foster..." I though it was so sweet she wanted to continue to foster dogs after she was grown. Then she said "...and me going to live in a foster home and get a new family and me will be so happy!"

-----

Me: Dharma if you stomp your foot on the floor at me again you'll go to time out...what are you doing?

(She was kicking her foot against her other leg)

Dharma: I'm stomping my foot on my leg.

Me: What? Why?

Dharma: It's not on the floor.

-----

“Mom, I want to say something about my peehole”

“What’s that?”

“It’s my best peehole ever and I love it.”

Numbers and Heads

Dharma drew me a picture today with one of those scratch paper things.  The thing with the black coating and you scratch that away and there are colors underneath.  When she was done I asked her what the picture was.

"Look, Mom.  What do you see?" she asked.

"Oh, um...well...numbers?"  She has been very interested in numbers lately.

"Yes!  They are numbers.  And heads.  Lots of heads, mom."

Why am I not surprised?

Wheezin' the juice

Dharma just came up to me with an empty cup and said, "Mom, me want to wheez some juice."  Awesome.

Bitch

"Bitch."

"Bitch."

"Bitch."

"Bitch."

I know that I have been trying to teach Dharma to use this term to correctly identify a female dog, but that last picture we looked at was NOT of a dog.

The Gorilla

We asked Dharma what she wanted for Christmas a couple months ago.  What one thing she would ask for if she could only get one thing.  She wanted a "real" baby gorilla on a rocking horse with a baby bottle of milk.  Damn if the stores weren't sold all out of that popular holiday toy.

Well, Santa came through and when we all got up Christmas morning there it was hidden behind all the other presents.  A real baby gorilla, riding a rocking horse, holding a baby bottle of milk.  You know what she said after she laughed and grabbed onto the gorilla?  "Where's the baby gorilla's cradle?"

Really?

 Dharma with the real baby gorilla, baby bottle, and rocking horse.

Woof!

I had this dream...

Dharma kept going around barking and crawling on all fours acting like a dog.  She wanted to drink from the dogs water bowls and tried to scratch her ears with her foot.  In my dream I caught her eating a dry dog biscuit and she would sit up and beg at the table.  She even asked if she could go outside and pee in the backyard with the rest of the pack.  When people came over, she would jump up on them and pant and ask them to scratch her behind the ears.

Then I woke up.  Wait.  Why aren't I waking up?  It was a dream, wasn't it?

Spring 2011

Howdy Ho

Dear Salvation Army Bell Ringer at Wal Mart:
I'm sorry Dharma did not like your songs and said they were stupid and that your singing sounds like crap.  I don't know where she hears these things from...must be from her dad.  I'll talk with him about it.



Dear Lady waiting in line at the Wal Mart pharmacy:
You looked like you were in an excruciating amount of pain while you waited patiently for your prescription.  I tried to keep Dharma's attention off of you, but that's not always possible.  I'm sure she did not mean anything when she said you were being a baby by holding your ear with a pained look on your face.  She's usually so much more empathetic.



Dear cashier at the same Wal Mart:
Sorry that you'll now think twice before you ask another three year old what Christmas song they are singing when you don't recognize it again.  I know that yesterday when her dad let her watch the Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo episode of South Park, that he had no idea the song would resurface in your check out lane.  I also do not know where she heard the term "healthy poo".  Again, I'll take the matter up with her father.

Sincerely,
Dharma's Mom

Me so hungry

I had to go grocery shopping and since Rob was only home because he threw his back out, Dharma had to come with me.  It's ALWAYS interesting taking her shopping because I never know what she is going to do that will cause me to cover my face and try to slip out of the store unnoticed.

We were about 10 steps into the store when it started.  "I'm huuuunnngryyy.  Hungry.  I'm hungry."  Usually telling her we will eat as soon as we get home works.  Today it did not.

She asked me "Why don't you ever let me eeeeaat?!"  People looked.  "I'm starving, mom.  When can me eat?"  More people looked.  I started walking faster.  "Mom.  Me so hungry.  Why did you tell me I can't eat today?"

Up to this point (it was about 1pm) she had eaten a container of yogurt, a fun size pack of skittles, an apple, a fried egg, corned beef hash and 2 large sized gumballs that she stole from Mackenzie's room.  Instead of pointing this out to her I grabbed a bite size cake sample from the counter in the bakery and handed it to her.  She shoved the whole thing in her mouth at once like she was famished.  When she finished and swallowed it she said (loud, since that is her only volume) "I love you, mom.  Thank you for letting me eat today"

Mom has a picture book with a penis

So we think its about the time to have some uncomfortable discussions with Mackenzie. I got some books from the library the other day to help with this. I am sitting at the kitchen table this morning looking through them to make sure they don't contain too much information and Dharma happens by. "What's that? What's this? What's that?" I answer her questions. Why? I don't know. One would think that by now I would know better than to give her anymore information than she already has.

Fast forward 5 minutes. The old lady next door comes by to drop off dog treats for Christmas. As I stand at the door talking to her Dharma walks up. Instead of saying 'hello' or 'hi' or even 'go away', Dharma says "Mom has a picture book with a penis."

Yep. I could not get the front door closed fast enough.