Catching Up, A Journey

So much has happened in the few years since I have updated Dharmaland. She's in FIFTH GRADE!! The time flew.

She was also diagnosed as being Autistic...Asperger's if the field still used that term. I am constantly trying to learn more about this, but I also don't want to have any preconceived thoughts. She is not always comfortable talking about it or letting other people know about it, so if you see her on the street, maybe don't bring it up?

Looking back over her blog and her life, I can see it. I remember things and think "so THAT'S what was going on there." This actually all started in 2nd grade when her teacher said to me at a parent teacher conference, "when are you going to get a formal diagnosis?" And I looked at her and said, "diagnosis of what?" She looked at me like she was not sure where to go or what to say. Like she assumed I knew.  She went on to explain that her son is Autistic and she sees a lot of the same traits and maybe I should look into it. I was not sure if I should be offended or thankful, but I was certainly confused, scared and overwhelmed. I was thinking 'Rainman? Is she going to need care forever? What will her quality of life be?" I have since learned that was an extreme exaggeration, but we tend to live in the extreme exaggerations here, so it fit.

It was a  half of a year before I reached out to the resources that teacher gave me. They did an initial evaluation and told me she fell on the absolute lower end of the spectrum. That I should contact a neuropsychologist for a formal diagnosis. But they would think that she was on that spectrum for sure.

I might have freaked out because it was 6 more months before I called that neuro. I am not great with change and need to know facts before I jump into something (the more I learn about this, I feel like I am also on there somewhere) so I had to be comfortable with the idea first. We did all the neuro tests, all the teachers filled out what they needed to fill out, I filled out what I needed to fill out and a diagnosis was made.

And you know what..nothing changed. The giant door that I imagined slamming shut, it never shut. In fact, doors opened. I am learning how to see her being overwhelmed in a situation before it happens and to give her permission to get the hell out of there. I am learning (slowly) that she might see something shiny and wander off and I need to be careful who I leave her with because not everyone is used to watching their kid as closely as I watch her - Though she is usually pretty good with this. She is learning that if there is too much going on, she is allowed to walk away. She is allowed to tell people to leave her alone for a bit. She is allowed to close her bedroom door and have some quiet time alone if it will prevent her from being overwhelmed and melting down. She is learning to advocate, appropriately, for herself.

She is still the same kid who wants to learn about the animal sciences and cant get enough of the medical world. The same kid who despises math, but will get it done in an instant if the reward is good enough. The same kid who has a zest for sarcasm - though she struggles with when it is funny sarcasm and rude sarcasm and I have not yet figured out how to really get the difference through to her. She has her own sense of style and insists on being called a "tween" now that she is 10. She's growing up. We both are, I guess.