A few days ago a friend of mine lost her son. Dharma adored Kyle. She talked about him a lot and always told me how he made breakfast better than me, and how he plays video games better than me, and how he makes her laugh better than me. But I'm the mom, so doesn't everyone do everything better than I?
The day before the service I sat her down and reminded her of the time when, a few months ago, we buried my grandmother and we talked about the physical permenance of death again and how we can miss people, and remember people, but how we won't see them again in the way we see them now. We talked about the cycle of birth, life, death and rebirth (samsara) Being of a faith that strongly believes in rebirth, we talked about what we thought my grandmother would have come back as and what we would like to come back as one day. I explained to her that Kyle had passed and we'd be going to his service and reminded her of how we behave at a wake and the things we do and do not (especially the things we do not) do there. Dharma had some questions, which I did my best to answer.
She did pretty good at the wake. Got a little ancy and ran around with some of the other kids, which is to be expected. At one point her, Rob and I were sitting in one of the rows in front of Kyle talking and she got up and got a tissue. Since I've seen the things she does with tissues I got worried. I just knew she was going to rip it up into a million little pieces and throw it like confetti, or insist on me carrying it around for the rest of the night. Instead she wiped her eyes. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "I don't know mom, my eyes just keep watering."
Her and I stood up by Kyle a few times and she talked about him and the things he had with him. She asked more questions about what was going to happen. She said, "I sure am going to miss him."
Last night I was in the kitchen and I heard her ask Rob to read her a story. They sat down and I heard him reading. I had to go into the living room to make sure I was hearing what I thought I heard. Dharma was having Rob read the booklet from Kyle's service to her. They looked at all the pictures, talked about all the pictures and the people in the pictures, and she had him read it again. She asked again what it meant and he went over it again with her. When they were done reading, he tried to take the booklet to go set it down and Dharma wouldn't let him have it. She told him it was hers and she then sat down and went through it again by herself.
A few minutes ago, when she was suppose to be taking a nap, she came out of her room and out of nowhere said, "I think Kyle's going to come back as a hedgehog" and she turned and went back to her room. Kyle had a hedgehog, and at the service they talked about Sonic the Hedgehog, so I assume she heard that and it stuck in her mind for some reason, but I think it is nice that she seems to be thinking about her friend and taking a few days to mourn in her own way.
Sometimes, I think the kid may be emotionally deeper than I give her credit for.
Dharma drew a picture of Kyle and her the other day.
Kyle is the one without feet.
